Friday, 27 March 2009

Me myself and Irene!

Sorry, that does not makes sense for anyone I suppose.
It is an old earth movie about a guy who has two personalities.

I only have one ofcourse, you think im crazy or something?

Well, there is the matter of the voices I hear, but it has a perfectly logical explanation!

It was back in my early days as a capsuleer, I worked for a corporation that was heavy into the mining and manufacturing.. but I had no such skills, so I was mostly sat on "hauler duty".

If it was not my corporation having me haul ore back and forth, it was various agents that had me deliver this to there and that to here.. I cannot believe I did it for the low pay they offered.

It was during a routine-run when I were to go up to the biggest marketplace in new eden to buy an expensive blueprint.. the dreaded "Jita" markethub was my goal.

Unfortunately my superiors said nothing about the route I should take, so I naturally had my navcomp map out the fastest rout there!
"hmm, a few lowsec jumps, should be no worries in my shuttle" i thought.
Unbeknownst to me, there is this "bottleneck" called Rancer that everyone should avoid, no matter what you fly.

So there I was, jumping from gate to gate and making good time.. until I warped to the gate in Rancer.

Normally you drop out of warp and space materilizes around you, with a billboard sign and the gate right infront of your cockpit-view..
Not so this time, all I remember was a blinding light and a burning wave of destruction hitting my ship the instant I arrived from warp.
Then it went black.

I awoke later, not sure how much later.. in pain and confusion.
I was in my pod, it was badly damaged and so was I.

From what I can gather the gate had huge battleships sitting with their gigantic smartbombs going off, wich had hit me the second I arrived, and vaporized my ship.
The blast had flung my pod far off into space, why it was not completely destroyed I do not know.
But I do know I would have been better off if it had.

I think I spent a week floating in that wreck of a pod, somehow kept alive by the few systems that worked, but no propulsion or communications did.

Space really is a lonely place, and if you think you would find it peaceful and tranquil to be drifting around aimlessly in a cold vast nothingness... you are wrong.

I was unable to move as much as a few inches without searing pain wrecking my body, and i became more or less paralyzed after a time.

But my mind worked.. and worked.. panic, fear, despair, contemplating the great mysteries of life.. thousands of emotions..words.. ideas and scenarios played out in my head, all at the same time.

After a while the mind shuts down I think.. but something kept it going.. running on empty so to speak, just barely enough to stay alive.

Now, you might think that I was rescued and treated back to health by some lucky chance.. but no.. I finally died. Had I been concious I would have welcomed it im sure.

Being a "pod-pilot" you have a clone waiting for you at a station of your choosing.. and had I simply died instantly when my ship blew up I would have woken up in my "new body" fully intact without any damage done.. well except my wallet.

But unfortunately in my case, the clones also manage to copy your memories until the time of death. -Dont ask me how this works, Link to an article here:
So now when I came to life again my body was in great shape, but my mind was not.

It took only a few days until the voices came.. first the giggling madman.. spoutin gibberish in his high-pitched voice.

Then the bloodthirsty one.. whispering.. only singular words or small suggestions at first.. but he grew louder.. and louder.

In my early days I oft lost control until I learned how they worked.
It seems the voices have a will and desires of their own, and if you do not indulge or suppress them now and then, they will manage to take over..
Only a short while, but I quickly learned that when waking up after a "memoryloss" always meant trouble.. Sometimes it was small things like a painted fingernail, another I had butchered and eaten someones pet.. The murders I do not want to think of.

But that is all in the past.
I have learned to live with my new "cellmates" Yar/Gok, and found a place where them and I might be accepted.
Where I can live out their crazy whims and maybe even make a few ISK doing so.

I have been accepted into the pirating academy of the Guristas associates, and settled into my new home.
Maybe next time, I can write down something about my adventures with my new fluffy wabbit fwiends.

Stay sane.

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